Looking at the upcoming 3-0

Should turning 30 be looked at as a time of anxiety, or a potential for a change? I have been pondering this for a few months now and I am still coming up blank. I wasn't letting age bother me. I was perfectly fine with pursuing my goals of college and a career. I still want those things, but for the past couple of years, I have begun to evaluate the lessons that I have learned from my past relationships and realized that I want to be settling down and having a family. Then the anxiety starts to set in. I see most of my friends back home and those where I am currently living, and I feel this pang of jealousy. They have the husband or at least reliable boyfriend/significant other, and most of them have children. I have just started to realize how much I have this fear of ending up alone and not having my own family. I know that I still have time, but that doesn't mean that I don't worry just a little bit.

I'm sure that there are plenty of people out there who also feel the same as they approach turning 30 and that feeling is that of being conflicted. Turn left or right? Follow this dream or settle? Stay near family and friends or venture out and seek your own happiness in a new city? Go and get that career you long for or end up in a job that pays the bills? Will I get this college debt and car paid off soon? What if this? What if that? So many questions and possibilities that at times, it makes my head spin.

I found an article that sort of says some of the things that I am feeling. While I do not have all of the "signs," some of the words hit close to home, so to speak. It's in the Huffington Post and it's called "Turning 30: 12 Signs You're in Pre-30 Crisis." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/20/turning-30-12-signs-youre_n_2724609.html#slide=2128613 

There is some good advice from actress Olivia Wilde in an issue of Glamour:  http://www.glamour.com/entertainment/2013/08/olivia-wilde-s-advice-for-turning-30.
She says basically to make the most of things and not to be pressured by society. I think that is good advice.

There are also plenty of other articles and movies talk about what a big deal it is to a lot of women to be turning 30. Some of them are negative and others positive.  I am trying not to fret too much, but will definitely be taking things a day at a time.  I feel that my destiny is not yet written and that once I have things flowing and I am more confident with myself, that I will have the things that I yearn for inside. 

Insights into myself

I don't normally do these quiz things, but these caught my attention. What Big Bang Theory character are you?  What Once Upon a Time character are you?  Which How I Met Your Mother character are you? What element are you? What do your eyes reveal about you? Who were you in your past life? What classic novel describes your life? Which Disney movie is actually based on your life? What kind of woman are you? What word best describes you?  What career are you meant for? What is your (name's) hidden meaning? What word truly sums you up? What is your sixth sense? What kind of dog is your soul? What is your true birth name? 

Penny: Pretty and popular, you're straight out of middle America. You dream big and don't let little things like planning and money get in your way. What you lack in brain power you more than make up for in heart, and you've learned not to judge a book (or person) by its cover.

Belle: You're incredibly smart and never judge a book by its cover, which helps you see the good in everyone. Speaking of books, you can't get enough of them. Take a page out of one of these books you love and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself, because others may try to take advantage of your forgiving nature.

Robin Sherbatsky: Fiercely independent, you have a hard time letting people into your inner circle.  But once someone makes the cut, you're ready to drop the gloves and fight for them at a moment's notice.  You know there's nothing better than knocking back a nice glass of scotch while smoking a cigar.  Now let's go to the mall, dammit!

Your element is WATER. There is a lot of depth to you, probably much more than you let on. You prefer peace and little conflict but have no issue standing your ground when you are wronged. You have deep emotional currents, some you can't even explain, many might be intuitive. You must remember that despite your strong empathy, you cannot judge people so quickly. You also need to learn that it is okay to say no. Your avoidance of problems leaves you in more trouble then when you deal with them. That aside you are seen to be full of love and wonderful energy. You can help people relax and bring them back to a healthy state from a toxic one.

Intellectually Minded-- You seem to have a remarkably intellectual mind. Your brain can naturally understand and deduce complex topics very well. Your discerning and recognition abilities are keen. You probably narrowly focus on fewer things in your life, but you tend to excel at new things faster than most humans can.

A Greek philosopher. You are a quiet soul who enjoys reading and writing above all else. You spend a lot of your time thinking about religion, philosophy and how to make the world a better place. Just like your past-self, you are likely to influence others around you.


J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings: An underdog in every sense of the word, Tolkien's Lord of the Rings does a masterful job of playing out your struggles.  Though you may not be the most intimidating of individuals, you are not weak -- far from it. People are constantly trying to put you down in life, and you always manage to prove them wrong; sometimes, you're even finding yourself on top. Life has taken you to some very strange places, and you've developed a taste for the fantastic in the process.  You're determined, driven, and have a penchant for the surreal!

Frozen is based on your life!  You are a very adventurous and loving person.  You care deeply about people in your life, and you will do anything to keep them safe (even if the personal cost is too much to bear).  You like singing, crafting, and meeting new people.  People might think you're cold, but they're wrong, you're just keeping your warmth for the ones who really deserve it! 

You are independent.  You are strong and capable.  Good thing, because you are fiercely proud, with a desire to to be totally self-reliant.  You never want to have to depend on someone else to look after you.  You are the sort of person who is likely to take off on a solo trek across the Andes.  Just don't forget to call home once in a while!  (Is there cell phone reception there?)

Creative. You are very interested and engaged with the world.  You express yourself through creativity, and you appreciate all forms of art and emotion.  It doesn't matter if it's for a fancy themed dress party, or to help a friend decorate their place, you are the Van Gogh in the circle of your friends... you don't allow fashion, you set it!



Writer.  You have the skill for language, your imagination is vast, you are artistic and creative.  Your brain is just overflowing with ideas, and all you have to do is get a piece of paper and share it with the world. You were born to turn words into magical stories.

I am the cultured one.  Your genuine humility totally makes you stand out in a crowded room.  Everyone looks up to you and you're extremely smart, but you're still approachable due to your warm demeanor.  Your elegance, class, and down to Earth attitude is truly humbling to anyone who experiences it.

The word that sums you up is: cultured. You're a smart, cultured individual, but you're also humble. And your humility is extremely refreshing. You're highly respected in your circle and people genuinely love you for your quirks and all. You can be very playful but your brain is full of knowledge and wisdom. You're graceful in every way possible and people feel really lucky to be considered your friend!

Your sixth sense is knowing when something bad is going to happen. 

Have you ever had a strange gut feeling that something is not right with you or others in your life, and then something really happened? That was your sixth sense trying to warn you! This is a very useful and important sense to have, and it might even save your life one day (if it hasn't already). 

Next time you feel that same feeling, listen to it!

Your soul is a German Shepard! You're a high-class individual, but you're also humble. And your humility is extremely attractive. You're totally admired and respected in your circle.  You can be very playful but your brain is full of knowledge and wisdom.  You're graceful in every way possible and people feel genuinely lucky to be considered your friend! 

You got Willow! You are a shy but loving person. You like to keep quiet and not draw much attention to yourself. You can keep secrets really well and a lot of people trust you.

I agree with the results about Belle and Robin... most are saying that I am a kind person who goes for their dreams and doesn't judge others before you get to know them. I also agree about the element and my eye color (blue, well blue grey).  I am truly an intellectual at heart and an independent woman.  I enjoy quiet reflection and life-long learning.  I am a protector at heart and look after those I love.  I love to create, draw, cook, etc. I also have a passion to be a writer or editor.  I have been told by others that I should follow my passion. Hmm! I'm a German Shepard! That's funny and sort of ironic! I have never owned one, but the personality notes hit mine to a "T." My dog seems to try to make friends with every German Shepard that she meets when we go for walks, ha ha. 

Everyone comes into your life for a reason

It's definitely true that while in a relationship (and shortly thereafter) you have the rose-colored glasses clouding your view.  You may like the idea of being in a relationship with someone and focus more on their good points and memories. You fail to see the other person's faults and short-comings. Another thing that gets overlooked is how they treated you.  In my case, the ones who I fall for the hardest, often do not treat me as well as I think.  Most have played mind tricks on me, changed something about their personalities, failed to reveal skeletons in their closets, or were insanely jealous all of the time.  Then there are other reasons that things do not work out. Sometimes it's in the looks category or even on a mental level... and maturity can play a big part.  Then there are other that are just better left as friends.  Yet again, don't ever buy it when a guy says that he just wants to be friends. I think it's time for me to go through the pros and cons of those I have dated to decide for myself what I really want out of a relationship.  I know that no one is perfect and that tastes can change as you get older, but the basics don't change.  Maybe I can also figure out what lessons they taught me along the way... in other words, what I have learned from having them in my life.  First and foremost, I need to rediscover myself and what makes me happy without having a man in my life to date. 

The worst kind of love

Unrequited love. 

This is how Urban Dictionary defines it, "It's the feeling of being completely, hopelessly, desperately in love with someone, all the while knowing that your feelings will never reach them.  It's contradictory in that you feel incredible because you love someone so much, but also at the same time you feel almost overwhelming despair because you will never know what it is like to hold them in your arms, or touch their face, or kiss their lips. You will never know what it is like to wake-up next to them in bed in the morning, bodies entwined.  It can be masochistic in nature- it causes such heartache, but you enjoy loving the person so much, you willingly let your heart go through the agony, so you can hold onto something- I don't know, maybe hope?"  

There are a few examples in popular literature and movies.  Some examples are Charlie Brown and the little red-haired girl, characters of the Jane Austen novels, and characters in A Midsummer Night's Dream.  The movie The Holiday has two characters that overcome unrequited love, as does He's Just Not That Into You.  Here is a more detailed list of literary works: http://www.librarything.com/tag/Classic+Literature,+unrequited+love

I feel like I have had my fair share of it.  Most of my relationships have had this involved, whether it's me being the one who expresses love first, or mistaking my feeling for love when they aren't in fact love.  With so many failed relationships and men taking advantage of me in some shape or form, it's hard to know whether or not I really know what love is or what it feels like.  I second-guess myself so often anymore that I am not sure what a healthy relationship is and I am doubting whether or not I will find it.  I worry about ending up alone, especially when I see so many others settling down and having families. As I approach 30, I wonder, when will it be my turn?  Is it really love or just infatuation at it's finest?  As relationships end, I often feel a lack of closure and wonder why things suddenly took a 180.  Was I just missing the signs that things had gone awry or had I not wanted to see it?  Other times, I am the one who ends it. 

I have done a lot of thinking about my life thus far and done some research.  Some people are just not right for each other.  I know that nothing can ever be perfect and I cannot expect it to be.  I believe a big part of it all comes down to personality types.  I am an introvert with extrovert tendencies.  I have noticed a pattern.  Those who are more introverted than I am are not good matches for me.  One of us pulls away and things end.  If the person is too extroverted, I am too scared to talk to them or to get out of a relationship if it is already in progress.   I know that there has to be a balance.