Something inside of me is broken, both in my mind and body. I can't quite identify it. It's been this way for quite some time.
I had a bad fall when I was in the Navy that resulted in a lower back injury. It broke my spirit as well. I'm frustrated that I can't do things that I once was able to do. I used to be a dancer and though I wasn't a runner, I could have been... Now, it's not possible. I have severe pain when I try to run long distance. Even a Sprint hurts to do. I can walk, but not long distances. I can't stand for long periods of time anymore.
I took little things for granted and now I am wishing that I could still do them. Little things become big things.
My spirit is broken from not being able to do what once I could.
My mental health has taken a turn for the worse. I have PTSD from the fall. I am working to overcome the symptoms. It is a slow battle. With the PTSD comes depression and anxiety.
When I was in the Navy, I didn't realize that I had anxiety and depression until things started to get difficult at work, then I started to take out anger on others. That was not good.
Now I feel like something is missing. I still don't quite feel like myself.
I've changed physically and mentally as well as emotionally. My question is, can we ever truly go back to the person we once were or is that person lost forever?
Random missives related to the new direction my life has taken and what transpires from my experiences.
Sunday, September 8, 2019
Beautifully broken
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