Beautifully broken

Something inside of me is broken, both in my mind and body. I can't quite identify it. It's been this way for quite some time.
I had a bad fall when I was in the Navy that resulted in a lower back injury. It broke my spirit as well. I'm frustrated that I can't do things that I once was able to do. I used to be a dancer and though I wasn't a runner, I could have been... Now, it's not possible. I have severe pain when I try to run long distance. Even a Sprint hurts to do. I can walk, but not long distances. I can't stand for long periods of time anymore.
I took little things for granted and now I am wishing that I could still do them. Little things become big things.
My spirit is broken from not being able to do what once I could.
My mental health has taken a turn for the worse. I have PTSD from the fall. I am working to overcome the symptoms. It is a slow battle. With the PTSD comes depression and anxiety.
When I was in the Navy, I didn't realize that I had anxiety and depression until things started to get difficult at work, then I started to take out anger on others. That was not good.
Now I feel like something is missing. I still don't quite feel like myself.
I've changed physically and mentally as well as emotionally. My question is, can we ever truly go back to the person we once were or is that person lost forever?

I need to guard my heart

Why do we fall in love? How do we know when we are in love?
It's different for everyone. I used to think that love was one thing and as I've gotten older, it's completely different. I used to be so open and wore my heart on my sleeve. Now, I am more guarded, but apparently, not enough. I spent three years in a relationship with someone that I didn't really know. It was difficult to fall in love, but I did. Then, when he didn't say it back to me, I was hurt and started to push him away. I almost feel like I shouldn't have let myself fall in love or be vulnerable. I hate being vulnerable and then getting my heart broken. But, that's life. We either fall in love or fall in lust. There's no in between. The line can sometimes get confusing. That line was why I didn't tell him that I loved him until after being together for two years. That's the longest I've gone without saying it. But, in all fairness, it wasn't a typical relationship. Having my heart and mind broken by so many others has had an effect on me. So, why bother being vulnerable at all? Well, that's part of what makes us human, I think. It's our connection with others, whether it's platonic or romantic. Humans love other humans.