Silver medal in romance

I hate playing second fiddle in a relationship. Either it is to a job or to an ex or to children, sometimes even a pet comes first. I'm sick and tired of never coming first to a man when I am in an intimate, romantic relationship. For once, I'd like to be the first thing that he thinks of and be the one that he wants to be with and not have to worry about losing him to something or someone else.

Maybe I just really need someone who is secure in their current reality and who realizes that they can balance a career with a relationship, children, and pets at the same time as they are managing the rest of the issues of life.  I want someone who has their "shit" together, so to speak. I used to think that is wasn't so hard to ask for, but it seems harder and harder to come by these days.

Here's to the game of hurry up and wait. I hope that my waiting isn't in vain and that I can find a kind, loving man with values with whom to share my life.

My demons come to call

I'm not as perfect or put together as I may seem on the outside. Inside I am screaming and I battle mental demons on a day-to-day basis. I have anxiety and depression... it's like there's a voice in my head that is beating me and won't shut up. I think too much, worry too much, feel too much. I care about the needs of others before myself. It's to the point where the self gets neglected often. My brain focuses on the negative more often than the positive, even when I am having a good day. The worst case situation always seems to come up first. I try not to let all of my insecurities to become known or to get me down.  I bottle up my feelings until I burst out in frustration.

For all those who also struggle with mental illness, the struggle will be familiar. I have my good days and bad days, but I put up a front so that hopefully no one can tell what's truly going on in my head. Those who know me well can see through the false facade, but strangers and acquaintances don't know the difference. If only the stigma associated with mental illness wasn't negative in modern culture.